carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
