I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
