Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
