I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
