Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
