I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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