If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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