pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
