I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
