He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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