I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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