I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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