At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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