She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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