3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
