i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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