how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
