tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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