A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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