She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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