i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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