Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
