i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
