I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
