yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
