Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
