Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
