About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
