my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
