He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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