So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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