i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Enjoy the penises
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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