hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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