Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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