I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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