please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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