I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
