At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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