ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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