I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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