Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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