Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
