I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.