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I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
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