hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.