Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.