I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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