I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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