Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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