I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
