I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
