I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
