I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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