last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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