My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
