No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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