He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
