this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
