So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
