"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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