my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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