Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
