How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
