So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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