oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
