i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
