There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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