after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
