Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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