i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You need Xanax blowdarts
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
