dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
