dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In America we eat man semen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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