Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
