The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
