Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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