Already got asked if we're dating
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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