doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
