Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just found a bag of teeth...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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