a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
