so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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