If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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