it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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