idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
