he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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