I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
